now i know why i became what i already was.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
