He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
