did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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