Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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