sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
