You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
