yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
