hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
