i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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