Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Pants are for mortals
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
