I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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