Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
