i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
