I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
