just come out here and I will go home with you...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
