I'm laying in your front yard are you home
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
