i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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