My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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