I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
