he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
