walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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