How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
