well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
