Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
