I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
