You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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