I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So many bounce houses so little time
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
