You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
