I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
