I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
