Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
