apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
