My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
