also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
