Can Purell be used as lube?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
