this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
