I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Acid is not a monday night drug
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm always down for nudity.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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