Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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