Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
