I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
