She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
