Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
