all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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