If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
