Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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