I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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