Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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