Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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