I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
