I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
