i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
